


Only show despair when you are alone

by Ginnyhashiru



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Actually is the same haikyuu world but with witches, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Violence, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, Multichapter, Slow Burn, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:08:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28950921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ginnyhashiru/pseuds/Ginnyhashiru
Summary: Ushijima has never cared much about the mysterious cult his family has belonged to for generations. His attention has always been on volleyball. Even when he had to go through various initiation rituals, he never paid too much attention, losing some of his free will didn't matter to him as long as he can play volleyball. That is why when he discovers that Oikawa belongs to the same cult as him, he is surprised by his reluctant attitude towards his initiation ritual.orOikawa does not want to sign his name in the book of the beast and lose his freedom, ushijima will have the horrible task of persuading him.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 17
Kudos: 33





	1. Flying solo

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in the normal world of haikyuu, things are practically the same except for the detail that witchcraft exists and that ushijima and oikawa are witches. There are magical creatures too, but they won’t be frequent themes. In this case the cult is of some dark entity, but they are not satanists as in the original Sabrina series, I hope you enjoy it a lot, now Let's read! 
> 
> By the way, this is a multichapter fic, it's just That i'm still learning how to use this platform jajajajaja.

Living on the outskirts of the city is one of the things that Ushijima likes the most. Not only because of the silence (which comes in handy when he is practicing sorcery) and the large space it has in the garden (perfect place to practice volleyball), but also because of the breeze. It enters through his window and moves his hair, it smells of humidity and vegetation.

A gentle blizzard from time to time moves the foundations of the house, and he is thrilled by the power of the wind, it makes him feel more connected to nature and life itself.

Perhaps that is the reason why his familiar is an eagle. An animal that flies high in the skies and faces the powerful resistance of the wind.

He wakes up that morning precisely to the sound of wood moved by the breeze, the crackle of the tatami when he puts his feet on the ground comforts him in some way. Being Saturday, Ushijima knows that he has to take care of the garden, if he hurries, he can go out in the afternoon, maybe he will call Tendou. There is a movie that has caught his attention since it came out and he hasn’t had time to watch it between matches and training sessions.

"You shouldn't meddle in the affairs of people who aren't family".

Ushijima stops at the entrance to the dining room. He is not a gossip, but he wants to know what emotional state his mother and grandmother are in, before he enters the lion's den.

"No one said anything about meddling, i'm just telling you what i think" his mother sounds angry, her tone of voice harsh and authoritative. "I think it's a disgrace that they have postponed their son's dark baptism for a year, that young man should have done it last year, at 16, not 17.

"Whether it brings dishonor or not is not our problem".

Ushijima has always liked his grandmother's insight.

"The dark baptism is a very important date, if the boy wasn't sure he wanted to sign, there was no reason to force him" continues the lady.

Ushijima thinks about his own baptism, it was at night, he was barefoot walking in the middle of a forest near his house, the rainforest wet and cold under his feet. It had rained all afternoon and late into the night, as if the sky had been sad that he was about to loose a part of himself. 

Before he can remember any more detail, his mother speaks again.

"You have always been a very soft woman, I am not surprised that you have been excommunicated..."

"Good morning".

Ushijima enters the dining room, speaking loud and clear, at the rate his mother was going, the discussion would never end, and he was beginning to feel hunger gripping his insides. That and he doesn't want to wait until it gets late to start his chores.

"Good morning" his mother replies, she makes a grimace of disdain when she sees him and continues eating breakfast with a disgruntled frown.

"Good morning, sweetheart" his grandmother greets him with a gentle smile. Ushijima returns the gesture with a small and almost imperceptible smile.

"Today it's your turn to take care of the garden" says his mother after a while when they were all eating their breakfast "I ask you to please tell the bird you have as a familiar not to destroy my plants".

Ushijima frowns in disagreement.

"Yes, mother," he replies anyway.

"You don't have to worry about that today," adds his grandmother, "I've decided to take Ushi-chan for a walk in the forest".

"I'm tired of you filling his head with nonsense. Now that he's about to graduate from school, it would be good if he really dedicated himself to learn the dark arts".

"Don't be dramatic. Ushi-chan is as good a magician as anyone. especially considering the balance he's had to strike between his human life and his life as a sorcerer".

"He's lagging behind his classmates" this time, his mother looks him straight in the eye "and not only that, don't expect to have it easy, you've been given the opportunity to play volleyball at a professional level as long as you meet certain guidelines. now that school is over you must spend at least two months in community service at the academy".

That and passing the validation test they give hum every year to make sure Ushijima is an active member of the cult, are things he's always kepping in mind.

He looks up from his bowl of cereal and nuts.

"I keep it in mind," he replies to his mother, his voice firm, his eyes serious " i have no plans to go back on my word, so you have nothing to worry about".

Mrs. Ushijima wrinkles her nose, but her son's answer seems to satisfy her, because she gets up from the table, and before leaving the room she turns to her own mother.

"Teach him something useful".

Along with her retreat, the heavy energy goes with her.

"What a temper the damned thing has," snorts his grandmother. "Don't you think Ushi-chan?".

Whether Ushijima believes it or not, it's better not to comment anything about it.

"Why are we going to the forest?" He asks to change the subject.

His grandmother gives him a mischievous smile. Her eyes sparkle dangerously, as do those who are planning to do no good.

"If I told you, it wouldn't be interesting" The woman lets out a loud, guttural laugh, it sounds more like an animal roar "it's worth a little mystery to be happy".

Ushijima takes in his hands the green milkshake places on the table, gulps it down, ignoring the unpleasant taste of the multiple ingredients that were not born to be together. A purification drink that they must drink periodically to keep intact the energy centers that connect them with nature and allow them to cast spells.

"It's okay" he accepts, suppressing the urge to vomit. 17 years old and still not used to it "but I have plans for this afternoon, I hope we can finish before then".

"Oh, of course!" exclaims the lady "you'll see how we'll be done in no time".

.  
.  
.  
.

Life can be abusive at times, at least, the term Ushijima has in mind is not so much "abusive", but rather "with a very heavy sense of humor", in some cases an incoherent sense of humor.

He was very lucky, he's a guy who knew what he wanted since he was a little boy and also he was born in a place where he didn't lack anything.

Well, luck is a relative term. 

But ushijima doesn't like to think about the things he would have wanted and didn't have.

Ushijima, however, is very reluctant about many things. There is a lot he likes and a lot he doesn't like.

He didn't like losing to Karasuno, for example. 

Or

He doesn't like the walk in the forest that his grandmother forced him to take.

"Come on Ushi-chan!"

She is carrying a basket full of poisonous plants that, in small doses, can be very curative and medicines that are toxic in excess.

Ushijima approaches her at a slow pace, not nearly tired, but feeling a little impatient.

"What did you bring me here for?"

His grandmother looks at him seriously, she has a smile that doesn't reach her eyes.

"Don't be a party pooper like your mother".

Ushijima frowns. He respects his mother, but the comparison is out of place.

"I'm not a killjoy" he says when he arrives next to her.

"Oh, no? then why do you have that expression like you're eating something rotten?"

"I don't " he replies while trying to relax the expression on his face.

His grandmother, always perceptive, laughs at his action.

"Just sit down next to your grandmother and shut up, okay?" she says as she sits down.

Ushijima does the same. The breeze caresses his face.

It is a very relaxing landscape, but something about it is unsettling, as if it were a mirage waiting for the moment when its prey gets careless, tricked by the false calm to attack.

The murmur of wildlife, the sound of dry leaves in the vegetation. Ushijima is especially familiar with this kind of environment.

He was born in such a clearing 17 years ago after all.

"You heard the conversation I had with your hateful mother, didn't you? about the boy who wouldn't get baptized".

Ushijima nods, appreciating the scenery but perfectly aware that he is with his grandmother.

"You're not going to deny it?"

"Why? it's not like i care much about those issues anyway".

His grandmother laughs.

"Always so direct".

His grandmother pulls a root out of the basket. 

Ushijima has the name of the plant it belongs to on the tip of his tongue, but his grandmother speaks again before he can put the thought into words.

"You wanted to be baptized?" Asks as she bites into the root she has just pulled out, it is poisonous and one bite could kill anyone. "I've never seen you interested in the family business".

"Witchcraft is not a business" he answers while watching with apprehension how his grandma eats the whole root "it doesn't help me to achieve my goals, so it's not very useful either".

His grandmother spits on the grass.

"That's true" she continues, her sight getting lost somewhere in the clearing "volleyball is a competitive sport, can you imagine what everyone would say if they found out that the best hitter of the country is actually a witch".

"I've never used more than my physical ability for matches" he retorts indignantly. 

"I know, you're too boring to cheat".

"What are we doing here?"

"Don't misunderstand me" continues the woman ignoring his question "you are a very noble young man, maybe a little clumsy with words, but no less admirable" she looks away from the clearing and looks at him "I like that you are someone with strong ideals, but it's okay if you relax a little, have fun, enjoy that you are young".

Ushijima nods, whether he agrees or not is irrelevant.

"The truth is, there wasn't anything i particularly wanted to do," confesses the lady, "but i wanted to come, and i didn't want to do it alone".

Ushijima nods again.

"It's okay" this time Ushijima lies down on the grass, it's wet against his back, he doesn't ask any more questions, he looks at the blue sky while thinking what could be the real reason why his grandmother brought him to the forest, he doesn't believe her for a second.

.  
.  
.

In the end, he couldn't go out with Tendou in the afternoon.

"I'm sorry waka-chan" apologizes Satori over the phone "I have to stay home today, I accidentally burned the stove in the house and now everyone is getting hysterical".

Ushijima listens to Tendou's voice over the earpiece while jogging. In the morning he thought he would have to tend the garden and decided to leave his morning jog for the afternoon.

"Don't you think it's hypocritical? no one in this house uses the damn stove, but of course, I accidentally burned it and now everyone uses it and even wants to give it a proper wake".

Ushijima imagines the burial of a stove. 

"Don't you think so waka-chan?"

Ushijima just wants to tell him that his voice sounds curious over the phone and he hasn't gotten used to it despite the time.

"Yeah, I think you're right waka-chan" continues Tendou "I don't know how you do it to make me feel better".

"Send me a message when you can hang out" is all Ushijima answers.

"You know, you could help me with my little problem".

Ushijima stops in his tracks.

"What?"

"You heard me big guy" he assures through the earpiece "if you help me, you won't have to go see the movie by yourself".

"If your stove shows up repaired out of nowhere, you'd still be grounded, I don't see the point."

"The point? not everything has to have a purpose waka-chan! just do it, let's see if I have some fun in this confinement."

Tendou knows he's a sorcerer, it was (in Ushijima's opinion) very stupid the way he found out. 

It all happened an hour after winning against aoba josai in the inter-schools that same year. Ushijima had stormed off the court after winning, he had felt a terrible itch in his back, his head hurt and his chest burned. his vision blurred, but he managed to stay on his feet and not faint. he got to the locker room and took off his shirt, looked in the mirror in the bathrooms and saw with horror how the marks of claws had marked his skin. 

They were deep marks that did not bleed but gave the sensation of being recent.

"Do not disobey any request our lord makes of you or you will see the consequences." 

His mother's words made their way through the haze in his head.

He couldn't remember ever receiving an order.

It could be when....

"wakatoshiii-kun" Tendou caturred as he entered the dressing room.

At that moment ushijima turned around. sweaty face, scarred back and pitch black eyes.

"New style?" was all his friend said, visibly surprised.

After that, Tendou himself, without asking, had helped him to pass unnoticed and Ushijima, grateful, told him part of the truth.

There were some details he decided to keep to himself.

"I can't help you with your problem" 

"Of course you can, come on, do it, live a little."

Ushijima hung up the call and resumed jogging.

.  
.  
.

"I want to make it clear that I will only do it this one time" is what the text message he send to Tendou says. "send me a picture of the stove".

Not a minute goes by when he receives his friend's reply.

"Have they told you that you are a saint?"

Attached is the photo of the stove.

Ushijima thinks, as he enters his room, that saint is not a word that can define what he is. however, it makes him feel a little cleaner.

His room is perfectly organized, the open window lets in the breeze and with it comes back his familiar, kakeru (the eagle) lands on the window and gazes at him, intense and perceptive.

"I won't do anything bad," says Ushijima, who knows the disapproval with which the animal looks at him.

He has seen that expression many times in the mirror.

The eagle makes a gesture that hints to ushijima that it won't stop him anyway and leaves the place, flying off to who knows where.

Ushijima sits upright on the bed, he has showered and is in his sleeping clothes. He closes his eyes and thinks about the stove, about its current state. he keeps the mental image until he almost feels like he can touch it.

It is always a very rare experience for him when he uses magic. 

It's like being inside a trance, where all your senses go to sleep and in return, something is unleashed inside.

It regurgitates something similar to a shudder in his chest, and that's when Ushijima knows he can make the impossible possible. He thinks about the stove and gradually, he begins to remember what it was like before tendo burned it.

In the distance, Wakatoshi hears the sound of messages coming in on his phone, but he ignores them and focuses on what he is doing.

The stove is repaired in his mind and something comes out of him, leaving him with a numb back and when he opens his eyes, he notices that he has trouble focusing on shapes. 

He lies down on the bed and picks up the phone, in the messages Tendou sends him 245 photos and a video, the magical repair of the stove was recorded.

The last message says "thank you waka-chan, and don't worry about the video, I deleted it from my cell phone as soon as I sent it to you, it's just so you could see how the magic looks in action".

.  
.  
.

Ushijima is jolted awake by someone's touch. His mother looks at him with a frown. Ushijima is surprised that he fell asleep without realizing it.

"Did you do witchcraft?" his mother asks.

Ushijima looks at her without altering his expression.

"Yes," is all he says.

His mother raises an eyebrow.

"Did it go well?"

Ushijima remembers the repaired stove.

"Yes."

"What spell did you use?"

"Does it matter?" 

Ushijima and his mother turn their attention to the door, where his grandmother rests by the wall.

"If he got it right, that's all that matters."

Ushijima takes advantage of the small discussion his mother and grandmother are having on the subject at hand to sit on the bed and try to focus his eyes. it's funny how sometimes using magic makes him feel tired, as if he's being drained of vital energy, and other times, he can cast spells without any retaliation.

"What worries me" says his mom "is that i could hear his voice from my room, you spoke in latin, but you spoke very fast".

Ushijima directs his eyes towards her. little by little he focuses them better.

To be honest, ushijima doesn't remember what words he used to repair the stove.

To be able to conjure, you have to use the words, it is through them that the energy is given form and the spell is cast.

"i was repairing a stove" says Ushijima while thinking that after he cast the spell and fell asleep, he had a dream, there was a forest he had never seen, a young man, a corpse, a....

"Are you listening to me Wakatoshi!?" questions his mother, visibly angry.

"leave him alone" intervenes the grandmother "rest Ushi-chan, it's ok...I'm going to leave you an energizing drink to drink".

His mother exhales loudly.

"Maybe it's because you're not practicing it the way you should, you're losing control of your powers, you know what I mean? it's time for you to take magic as seriously as volleyball".

Ushijima nods, little by little he is feeling better.

"We have to take care of the organization of the dark baptism of a boy of your age, I have specially offered to carry it out in the forest where your grandmother has taken you to".

Ushijima looks at his grandmother, she looks back at him with a twinkle in her eye, there is a kind of expectation.

"As you need a lot to make up for your lack of collaboration to the coven, you will participate actively, understood?"

"I will mother, but only for now, don't forget what my main goal is."

His mother nods.

"I don't forget, you are a madman like your father".

After the pleasant chat and his relatives leave, Ushijima lies down on the bed, it's 2 a.m. and suddenly he doesn't feel sleepy anymore. He decides that he will try to sleep anyway, he will get up early, jog, do his chores and then study magic.

He's not particularly fanatical, but he doesn't like the idea of losing control over one of his faculties, it's better to master than to be mastered.

As he lies down on the bed, he thinks about the dark baptism of the boy his mother and grandmother were talking about. Ushijima wonders what could be the reason for refusing to sign. Postponing baptisms is not something that happens very often. Even if a person doesn't want to do it, that person has to do it, otherwise both health and powers are weakened. 

He does not know of the first case of someone who has decided not to be baptized that lasted more than 3 years.


	2. The one that got away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But even though Oikawa liked the idea of having power, he was very screwed by the idea of losing his freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a part of the chapter I was writing, it's super short, but I've decided to post it as a preview of things to come.

His first time at one of the cult ceremonies, it was one of the most screwed up and upsetting experiences of his life.

Oikawa was 10 years old.

He was holding his mother's hand when they came to a dilapidated building. At first, he thought it was worth being considered adult enough to accompany his mother to such an important meeting. It was the baptism of one of his neighbors. A 16-year-old who that day would pledge allegiance to an entity they knew little about.

Oikawa will never forget the moment when, in the middle of a room full of candles, flooded with the smell of dead rat and blood of other creatures, the boy was cut in the palm with a knife and signed the book of the beast.

Behind who helped him sign, was the sinister shadow of the creature that promised unimaginable powers in exchange for loyalty.

But even though Oikawa liked the idea of having power, he was very screwed by the idea of losing his freedom.

From that day he began to investigate more about the subject, witchcraft and other things. he was determined not to sign.

Even if it meant a life full of misfortunes.


	3. The sweet part of life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're not the one who decide!"
> 
> Ushijima hears Oikawa's voice. The store where he's shopping is packed with people, so it's hard to tell who's who among all of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for giving this story a chance, I know it is not perfect, but I will try my best to make it as good as possible.

Ushijima holds a jar of arequipe and a jar of Nutella in his hands. He doesn't like either of them, but his grandmother says a sweet diet makes a happy heart.

Ushijima would like to tell her that a sweet diet causes diabetes and hypertension, and has nothing to do with softening the heart.

But his grandmother is a very stubborn lady and she is also a witch, so diabetes is not an issue that she has to worry about.

He just got out of school.

Having lost the match against karasuno, he no longer has to attend team training sessions, he attends anyway, but he doesn't play as much of a role as he used to. Now he has to be more of a guide for the new generations.

His volleyball career is not over, but for a while, he may not be able to play in official matches. The adrenaline rush that comes with the possibility of a crushing victory over a rival team is something he will have to wait to feel.

He has received several invitations from universities with very strong teams, but he is hoping for something more radical, something that will allow him to dedicate himself solely to volleyball. Studies don't bother him, but he would like to be fully involved in professional volleyball, so he hasn't really thought about pursuing a career.

If nothing comes along, he'll have to do it anyway.

"You're not the one who decide!"

Ushijima hears Oikawa's voice. The store where he's shopping is packed with people, so it's hard to tell who's who among all of them.

He looks up from the calorie chart of a stick of butter and searches for the source of the voice.

It takes him a few seconds to make out chocolate-colored hair behind a group of middle schoolers.

Oikawa is dressed in the Aoba Josai uniform, holding a cell phone between his cheek and right shoulder as he examines some chocolate drinks and a Greek yogurt with a disgruntled, almost aggressive expression. He carries a basket full of sweets in one of his arms.

Ushijima frowns.

He wants to tell him that to much sugar is bad for his health, but Ushijima represses the feeling when he remembers that the last time he tried to give Oikawa an advice, Oikawa ended up wishing him defeat. 

Not that ushijima blames Oikawa for what happened.

Because Oikawa is not a witch and his words have no power.

That and that ushijima always performs a small purification ritual that leaves the fate of the matches always in the hands of the best team. So it is all clean and no cheating.

"Don't be late, it's your turn to cook dinner".

Ushijima reads the message from his mother while he mentally analyzes if he has already took everything his grandmother asked him to take home.

He puts both the jar of arequipe and the jar of Nutella in the shopping cart and goes to the check out to pay.

.  
.  
.

"What the fuck are you doing in my house?" complains Iwaizumi.

Oikawa ignores Iwaizumi and walks across his best friend's room and plops down on the bed.

He's still carrying the shopping bags in his hands.

"And what's all this crap?" Iwaizumi continues with a frown. Oikawa can't see it, but he's sure there must be at least four veins protruding from his forehead "Did you buy all this candy for your period or what?"

Oikawa pretends to move, tries to, but feels reluctant.

"It's very offensive of you to make statements like that, you know that, don't you? It sounds very misogynistic if you say it like that" Oikawa's voice sounds muffled, his face still buried in Iwaizumi's pillow. "You have a mother, and if you're really lucky, and I mean, inhumanly lucky, You'll have a wife, so you should watch the way you express yourself".

Oikawa is playing dumb, he knows that Iwaizumi is not a misogynist, and that he probably made that comment looking to get some reaction out of him, but Oikawa feels especially dead today.

He feels an irritated stomp, hears a loud exhale and then Iwaizumi's footsteps approaching to the bed.

Oikawa feels the corner of the mattress sag under his friend's weight.

"I'm sorry," he says as he sits up, trying to get comfortable, "you know I didn't mean it like that".

A few seconds of silence remain.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

Oikawa thinks about it.

Iwaizumi is his best friend for as long as he can remember, it's only natural that he knows he's a witch. It's funny how easily he accepted it after he found out.

"Iwa-chan" he starts as he settles down on the bed, looking for a way to sit up. His nose hurts because of the position he was lying in "i really don't want to talk about it".

He takes a chocolate bar from the shopping bag, which is lying on the bed.

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes.

"Is this about your baptism?"

"If you say it like that, it sounds so simple iwa-chan, it must be because of your ape brain that simplifies the unsimplifiable" he replies as he stuffs half a bar.

Iwaizumi contemplates him for a second, Oikawa can see which Iwaizumi internally debates whether he should hit him or not.

Oikawa almost chokes with laughter.

Iwaizumi exhales.

"I know you have you're reasons, but you have to do it Oikawa, it already took part of your knee, if you don't do it, you won't be able to play volleyball again, fuck, I don't think you can live long enough to do anything".

Oikawa frowns.

"You think I don't know?" his voice comes out harsh, full of anger and wrath "I hate this Iwa-chan, I really hate it, I didn't ask to be born like this, it really pisses me off".

Iwaizumi puts a hand on Oikawa's leg, gives it a gentle squeeze trying to comfort him.

"My parents are already organizing everything together with some members of the coven, despite all my rudeness, it seems that nothing can prevent me from being baptized".

When Oikawa finishes speaking, he gobbles down the rest of the chocolate bar.

"This afternoon, after school, the high priest called me, he was informing me that a very important member of the coven would accompany me to solve my doubts regarding the baptism and would help me to supposedly 'find' the way" Oikawa makes a grimace of displeasure while gesturing with his hands "he even had the nerve to tell me that I should feel grateful that our lord gave me the permission to be baptized even if it's not the same day of my birthday".

When he finishes speaking and cleaning his teeth with his tongue, Oikawa lies on his back on the bed.

Iwaizumi remains silent.

"Please don't be silent Iwa-chan" says Oikawa "your silence only makes me feel that everything is lost".

"Oikawa" starts his friend very serious "the day we lost against Karasuno I told you, you shouldn't doubt the path you have traced for yourself".

"It seems that someone has already traced that path for me, you said it yourself, if I don't get baptized, my health will get worse".

Iwaizumi settles down next to Oikawa.

"Make room for me," he says and they both end up lying next to each other, staring at the ceiling like idiots, waiting for the solution to come out of nowhere.

"The truth is" continues Iwaizumi "that maybe there is a chance. I know i said you have to be baptized and i still believe it in some way but, maybe there is a way to get out of this".

"Continue" Oikawa asks.

"They said that someone very prepared would help you prepare for your baptism, maybe if you use your communication skills, you can get information out of him".

Oikawa thinks about it for a moment.

"I don't know Iwa-chan, honestly, I'm not going to give up, but it all depends on who is the poor bastard who is going to 'advise' me, for a lack of a better term".

Iwaizumi bursts out laughing.

"If he's going to take care of you, I do think he's a poor bastard".

Oikawa pouts as he pretends to be offended.

"Iwa-chan!

Iwaizumi laughs louder.

"Are you ever going to tell me why you don't want to be baptized?" asks Iwaizumi. "I can imagine why, but even so, to go so far as to prefer death, what reason would you have to sacrifice everything?"

Oikawa smiles, it's a macabre smile.

"The day I find out, I'll let you know".


	4. The end is the new beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The idea that Oikawa is a witch just like him surprises him a lot. Especially because he has never seen him in anything suspicious, he has never crossed him at the church or anything like that, moreover, his aura does not indicate anything supernatural.
> 
> Ushijima thinks that, in any case, his unwillingness to be baptized is typical of Oikawa. Only someone as stubborn as him could endanger his own life in order to do as he pleases.

"Goshiki is dead!"

Ushijima opens his eyes in shock. A myriad of thoughts rush into his head like a waterfall.

"But..."

He is about to ask.

"Relax is a lie" continues Tendou with a chuckle "he's not dead, well, maybe emotionally yes".

Ushijima frowns, he wants to tell Tendou that, that kind of humor is not very nice, less in such a dangerous world. But he decides not to comment anything.

"Cut the crap and give me back the phone" he hears Shirabu's voice.

There is a scuffle in the distance, some insane laughter from his friend Tendou and then a muffled sound.

"He's going straight to your house and i thought you should know." Tells him Shirabu "maybe he's looking for some advice".

Oh  
That's a problem.

"how do you know?" questions ushijima as he finishes tying his shoes.

Today is the day he has to receive the envoy from Hokkaido, a guy about 27 years old very involved in the cult, who is coming to give counseling to the boy who will receive his baptism in about three months.

Ushijima didn't need a guide because he had his mother and grandmother. In fact, he hardly knows of many cases where such counselors are assigned. He figures this kid must be something really special, or at least, a pain in the ass important enough to have to take that kind of action.

His mother, who wants him to get more involved in coven stuff, told the high priest that he would be in charge of escorting the guy from the transport terminal to the unholy church.

He had to (with the pain of his soul) leave practice earlier in order to have enough time to prepare.

"After you left Goshiki started to get nervous, I think he already was, but he wanted to act brave." 

"Yeah, nervous as hell!" Screams Tendou from afar.

"Could you please stop that you fool!" Shirabu tells Tendou in a very serious way.

Ushijima tries to remember the practice, Goshiki had been fine in his opinion.

Maybe he should start paying even more attention to his partners.

"The thing is" continues shirabu "after practice, i overheard him in the locker room talking to one of his relatives, maybe his mom, he was excusing himself for not being able to come home early, he said he had something to do, that he would come to your house".

Ushijima frowns. 

His duty as a team member and almost ex-captain is to receive Goshiki's visit and support him. His duty as a cult member is to leave immediately for the terminal to pick up that guy.

Ushijima makes a quick decision.

"Thank you, Shirabu," he says and then hangs up the call.

He runs like crazy all over his room, finishing his grooming and rushes to the exit of the house.

If Goshiki arrives and sees that no one is there, he will have to postpone the talk for another day, which would be great, because then ushijima could give him his full attention.

He is about to go to the door when he realizes that he doesn't have his cell phone on him. 

Damn it.

He has left it in the room because of the hurry.

Ushijima hesitates for a few moments between picking it up or leaving.

Double hell.

Well, if his mom calls, it would be a big problem for him if he doesn't answer.

He thanks life for his long legs and runs, retrieves his cell phone and bolts for the door again.

"Ushijima-san"

Now he's really screwed.

"Goshiki" the voice comes out serene.

He finds it amazing how his voice is so far from his mental state.

"Sorry for coming so late to your house without warning, I promise not to take too much time" Goshiki looks at ushijima and examines his clothes "are you going out?"

"Come in" Ushijima tells him dryly while ignoring the question. 

"I really hope I'm not interrupting".

"Yes I'm on my way out, but if you're not going to take much time, it's okay". 

If he hadn't come back for the phone, would he has made it out before Goshiki arrived?

"well, it's just that" Goshiki seems to hesitate in what he is going to say.

No, it's physically impossible, it only took him at most 3 minutes to pick up the cell phone and return to the front door.

"in the last practice match we had..."

But maybe he had managed to sneak out, Goshiki seemed to have just arrived.

"I haven't made mistakes per se, but I feel like, I don't know, it's more like if..."

Well, nothing to do about that now, damn phone.

"Ah Ushijima-san, if you really have to go I won't bother you, I know I came suddenly."

Ushijima blinks for a second, he can feel his own frown. He looks at the clock hanging on one of the walls and sees that it's already running about 5 minutes late.

"No, it's okay, let's talk."

But the envoy is going to have to wait a little longer for him. He worries about his partner's flimsy confidence, he would find it a real shame for someone so talented to go to waste.

"Go on."

"Ah yes, well" Goshiki takes a deep breath, he seems to want to draw strength from within himself "I will not lose to you!" he exclaims loudly, his eyes are watery, but there is fire in his gaze.

Ushijima smiles.

"I've been making mistakes, thinking all the time about filling your shoes on the team" his nose starts to run a little "but I don't want to keep on like this, I want to surpass you by being myself, not a copy of you"

Ushijima can understand that.

"Then what did you come here for, you seem to have it all figured out."

Goshiki wipes his nose with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

"I felt i had to tell you, that i won't be your shadow, i want to be your equal, i know it sounds stupid, but i felt that if i didn't face you, i wouldn't be able to continue on my way."

Ushijima nods, having understood the whole point and seeing that his partner is going to be okay, he begins to feel the tick tack of the clock in his head.

He places a hand on Goshiki's shoulder and begins to walk slowly but steadily with him towards the door.

"I've always believed in your talent, I told you once and I'm telling you now, I'm counting on you."

Finally, they both walk out the door, Ushijima locks the door and faces Goshiki. He pulls out a couple of bills from his pocket and put them on Goshiki's hand.

"Go home, see you next week."

And then he breaks into a run.

.  
.  
.

"He's dead."

This time it's no joke, the Hokkaido envoy is as dead as his chances of getting away with all this.

The room smells of blood and flesh. Ushijima is pulled by his mother, who not only looks at him with a disgruntled and spiteful expression, but also forces him to contemplate the corpse.

'You did this' is what her eyes say.

The high priest together with a cult doctor examine the pitiful remains.

Ushijima feels guilty.

"Were wolves" concludes the doctor. A short and bald guy "there is no doubt, werewolves devoured him".

"These are hard times, surely they were first-time wolves who do not control their lust for meat" continues the high priest. 

The guy speaks seriously, there is neither sadness nor concern in his look. He talks about a murder as if he were talking about the weather.

"Nothing to do, we can't and we don't have the time to look for another counselor" he continues, while he takes out a handkerchief from his pocket and wipes his hands "Oikawa tooru will have to be baptized anyway, his parents have already accepted and he can't keep refusing, we will have to use force if necessary".

Ushijima's eyes widen in surprise, hearing Oikawa's name shocks him enough to almost forget that a guy died because of him.

Almost.

Apparently that time he delayed talking to Goshiki was the time the envoy decided not to wait any longer and go on his own to the unholy church. It was on his way that he had the bad luck to meet death face to face.

He wants to shout that he that he will do anything to take responsibility, but before he is able to do anything, his mother whispers to him.

"Don't embarrass me anymore and don't say a word."

It's hard.

The contrast of life, he means.

Anyone would think that because he's an excellent volleyball player, his life is solved, but it's not. When his feet leave the court, he stops being the genius and becomes the useless one who ends up failing over and over again.

Ushijima put the thought away. He can't afford to waste time thinking about such things.

Yet he can't help but clench his fists tightly.

"Well, there is nothing more to discuss, I will talk to the boy's parents about what happened" the high priest starts walking towards the exit of the hall.

"My son can take his place."

What.

"Oh yeah?" questions the father "the very one responsible for all this to begin with?"

"My son is one of the best sorcerers."

"And also one of the most irresponsible" scoffs the priest.

His mother frowns.

Ushijima is unable to say anything.

"This is circumstantial, there is no one more versatile than him, besides he already knows this Oikawa guy, he will be able to serve as a guide, they are almost friends."

Yeah right, friends as much as a balloon and a cactus.

"Do you think you can handle it?" This time the priest turns to him.

Ushijima blinks.

"Yeah, sure."

.  
.  
.

Ushijima accepts for many reasons. One of them is mainly because he doesn't want anyone to get hurt un this whole process. The other reasons, well, are even more personal so he keeps them deep in the back of his mind.

He walks down the sidewalk while contemplating the five tickets in his hand. 

He certainly has not made a plan on how he should do things. Oikawa hates him and nothing can change that, but maybe if he can share some time with him.

He can no longer attend his team's practices, but that's okay, there's a big opportunity near him and he wants to make amends with his mistakes before continuing with his life purposes. He has made a deal with the high priest, Ushijima promises that he will make Oikawa attend the baptism, if he is given the freedom to go under cover. 

He will guide Oikawa without Oikawa noticing, at least until he sees it safe to reveal his duty.

He doesn't know seijoh's schedule, so he decides to arrive as early as he can and waits at the main entrance of the school.

Ushijima stands for about two hours, when he finally spots Oikawa in the distance.

He is walking next to Iwaizumi and seems to be whining about something. Then, suddenly, his expression changes to a more serious one and he seems to be planning something.

Just as they cross the entrance and Iwaizumi hits Oikawa on the head apparently for something he said, Iwaizumi notices his presence.

"Good afternoon," Ushijima begins.

Well, he just introduced himself and nothing bad happen, good.

"Good afternoon my ass, what do you want?" questions Iwaizumi.

"Yes, what do you want?" repeats Oikawa.

Ushijima contemplates them both and thinks of those little puppies that bark a lot but are so small that they are not scary.

Ushijima clears his throat.

He's not nervous, but the situation is uncomfortable.

"I have some tickets for 'bloodbath', do you want to go to the cinema with me?" 

He holds out the tickets in front of them so they can see he's not kidding.

Oikawa raises an eyebrow, Iwaizumi is stunned.

"Why are you inviting us?" Oikawa asks mistrust all over his face.

Ushijima thinks hard about the answer.

"The thing is, I bought the tickets in advance and no one in Shiratorizawa can go, I thought that before I lose them, we could all go together" he finishes with a shrug.

"Ah? Did you heard what you just said?" Oikawa looks increasingly disgruntled. Iwaizumi remains looking dumb-faced, still dumbfounded "and why did you think of us? Do you know we hate you, don't you?" 

And here we go again, Ushijima thinks.

He is about to retort when Iwaizumi interrupts him.

"The movie is bloodbath?"

Ushijima nods affirmatively.

"Iwa-chan! You're not thinking of agreeing!"

"Shut up, I've been wanting to watch that movie since it came out, but because of you spending all my money last week on milk breads and sweets i couldn't go and watch it".

Oikawa blinks visibly offended.

"And that's why you're going to sell your dignity? for a movie?"

"At this point, I could sell you if necessary" Iwaizumi turns to Ushijima "there's some trick to this?"

Ushijima shakes his head.

Iwaizumi thinks for a moment.

"How many tickets do you have?" he asks.

Ushijima hands him four, he keeps his.

"Can I invite two more people?"

"Iwa-chan!!!"

"Yeah sure, as long as they're not the kind of person who gets scared easy and don't make noise during the movie it's fine" Ushijima confirms.

"Excellent" smiles Iwaizumi mischievously.

.  
.  
.

Iwaizumi walks ahead along with two more guys, both tall, he recognizes them as Aoba Josai middle blockers. The three of them are chatting and laughing, unlike Oikawa, who is a few steps behind, sulking in thought.

Ushijima contemplates everything from a few steps behind Oikawa. He knows he has to find a way to get closer, but frankly Oikawa gives him a headache.

"Don't you like horror movies?" he tries anyway, stepping forward and walking alongside with him.

"Ah?" Oikawa exclaims as he gives him a murderous glare back.

"Hmmm, I can buy some tickets for another movie if you want." 

Ushijima knows he's going to blow it, there's nothing he can say that will make Oikawa hate him any less. He tries, though.

"Why would you do that?" asks Oikawa "weren't you the one who precisely wanted to come watch this movie?"

That's true, he would have liked to watch it with Tendou, but life is like that, everything goes according to plan until life feels like turning everything upside down.

"Yes, but I can watch it later, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable" he replies.

Oikawa gets a shiver.

"Don't be so nice, it scares me."

Ushijima smiles, it's a teeny tiny smile, barely a lift of the corner of his lips.

"Don't smile either, it's weird" Oikawa complains again.

The rest of the walk is in silence. However, the energy around Oikawa has changed a bit. He has apparently relaxed.

Oikawa goes ahead and joins his other friends, they all start joking and chatting and Ushijima reminisces a bit about his own friends.

The idea that Oikawa is a witch just like him surprises him a lot. Especially because he has never seen him in anything suspicious, he has never crossed him at the church or anything like that, moreover, his aura does not indicate anything supernatural.

Ushijima thinks that, in any case, his unwillingness to be baptized is typical of Oikawa. Only someone as stubborn as him could endanger his own life in order to do as he pleases.

They arrive at the cinema and the four boys disperse, two of them go to the bathroom and Iwaizumi goes ahead to enter the movie theater. Oikawa, on the other hand, remains silent for a few seconds, standing motionless, his gaze lost.

Ushijima clears his throat again.

"Do you want me to buy you popcorn?"


	5. I hate you but i'll take care of you, okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ushijima moves closer in search of being able to speak without disturbing anyone else. His voice tingling in Oikawa's ear.

The movie is fine. Oikawa personally prefers alien and sci-fi movies, but a few scares now and then are good.

The movie is about a demon in hell, who, bored with his fate for eternity, makes a bet with the devil. If the demon can get (within a month) a human to voluntarily give him his body to possess, the devil will let him live on earth as he pleases, if he fails, he must spend eternity in the ninth circle of hell. From there, a plot starts where the demon destroys the life of a boy, trying to make him want to commit suicide.

It's quite macabre.

Oikawa looks sideways at Iwaizumi, who is sitting to his left, looking very happy. On the other hand, Oikawa looks sideways at Ushijima, and to his surprise, he is asleep.

The light is dim, but the paced breathing, the head lying uncomfortably back on the seat and his closed eyes are proof enough.

Oikawa grimaces.

Now that he remembers, Ushijima had yawned several times on the way to the movie theater. Not only that, if Oikawa concentrates on his memories, he can perfectly see the bags behind the boy's eyes.

"What the heck Ushiwaka" he whispers to him while shaking him a little by the arm "weren't you precisely the one who wanted to watch this movie?"

Ushijima doesn't wake up right away. Oikawa has to move him for a few long moments until the boy wakes up.

"Uh, sorry" says ushijima while rubbing his eyes and suppressing a yawn.

"Didn't you want to come and watch it? what's wrong with you?" 

Ushijima seems to slowly connect to reality.

"My mother puts me to work at night and I hardly sleep because..." Ushijima begins, but as soon as he realizes what he is saying he falls silent.

Oikawa is about to say something when Iwaizumi tells them to shut up.

They remain silent for a while. Oikawa however, is uneasy.

"If you hadn't slept at all, why did you come?"

Ushijima moves closer in search of being able to speak without disturbing anyone else. His voice tingling in Oikawa's ear.

"I bought the tickets in advance remember? i didn't want to lose them."

Oikawa clicks his tongue.

"Are you stupid? you lost them anyway, you fell asleep and didn't watch shit."

"You want me to kick you both out?" asks Iwaizumi, fed up with the noise.

"Whatever," says Oikawa.

Not that he cares anyway. Probably, after today, he'll never see ushijima again in his life, right?


	6. It's only good when it's about you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oikawa do you hate me?"
> 
> Oikawa knows what ushijima is referring to, he is not asking him if he hates him as a volleyball player (because that hatred has been made clear), he is questioning him if he really hates him, as a person.

The movie was okay. Oikawa thinks that the way the demon won at the end was a bit forced, but at least he thought the special effects were good enough to keep the viewer's attention.

Ushijima didn't go back to sleep, but nodded off a few times. Oikawa believes that the amount of self-control Ushijima had to exert over himself must have been inhuman.

They leave the movie theater and Iwaizumi couldn't be happier. He comments aloud how he liked the way the writers of the movie approached the story.

Oikawa walks by without paying much attention to him.

Makki and Mattsun say goodbye when they reach the mall exit.

Oikawa waits for Ushijima to leave so he can discuss with Iwaizumi how weird he thought all this was. The problem occurs when Ushijima doesn't leave, he stays standing next to them. Oikawa is about to grab Iwaizumi's arm and pull him in the direction of home so that Ushijima gets the hint (because Oikawa hopes he'll at least be able to take the hint), but before he can, Ushijima clears his throat.

Hell.

"Want to go get something to eat?"

"Why?" asks Oikawa immediately, out of reflex.

It's one thing to have invited them to a movie for the strangest reasons in the world, but quite another to intentionally look for a way to drag out the moment.

"Thank you, wow, fuck, I never thought I would ever thank you for anything in my life" Iwaizumi starts "but I think that was enough, we don't have any money and you paying for our food would put us in debt to you and I don't think it's appropriate."

Oikawa is glad that Iwaizumi has come to his senses.

"We won't go to a five star restaurant, I was thinking of eating some burgers and that's it" Ushijima retorts, it was already getting dark and the darkness gives him a gloomy countenance "there's really no food made at my place, if I get there I'll have to cook and although I like the idea of eating healthy and know what I'm eating, I'm feeling tired today."

'And what does that have to do with us?' Oikawa thinks, but doesn't say it out loud.

"I'll go eat burgers anyway" continues Ushijima, persistent "but eating in company is always better don't you think?"

There is something in his eyes that Oikawa could not define, but it is definitely not sadness, and Ushijima is not looking to generate pity at all, he is simply saying what he thinks and that's it.

Only Ushijima can turn such sappy words into demonstrations of dignity.

Oikawa exhales.

"I'm leaving, thanks but no thanks" he says and starts to walk away, for a few moments he expects to feel Iwaizumi's footsteps following him, but when he doesn't feel them, he turns his head and sees that Iwaizumi remains next to Ushijima, both commenting on something.

Oikawa decides to leave anyway. His feet and head hurt. The ophthalmologist told him that for watching movies in very dull places, it was better for him to wear his glasses. 

Of course, he wasn't planning to go to the movies, so he obviously didn't have his glasses in his backpack. Anyway, he wants to take a bath and relax a little.

He thinks he'll have time to get even with Iwaizumi for his betrayal.

.  
.  
.

"You better have a good reason for bringing me here," says Iwaizumi, seriously, "You don't know the things I'll have to do to get that fool to forgive me".

Ushijima finds that funny, but doesn't make any gestures about it.

He has managed to convince Iwaizumi to follow him, which is a very flimsy victory, considering that he is about to put everything on the line.

The day he went to the forest with his grandmother, he took some flowers that, although he didn't see the value at the time, they were perfect now for what he's about to do.

"It's okay, i don't like detours and i'm not planning to take much of your time" Ushijima speaks clearly, he has one of his hands in his pocket, holding tightly a small container "there is something i must know, depending on your answer there is something i must ask you".

The little vial he holds in his hand is a memory potion, it numbs whoever takes it enough for Ushijima to poke into someone's mind and manipulate or see memories.

Ushijima really dislikes that kind of art, that's why he only brought a little bit with him, just enough to erase recent memories, in case he's about to screw up.

Ushijima exhales.

Here we go.

"I'm a witch" is the first thing he says "and I know Oikawa is too, I'm the one who's going to help him with the baptism".

He decides to tell the truth in that way, without any bluntness, he is very attentive to Iwaizumi's reactions, depending on these, Ushijima will know if Iwaizumi is aware of the truth or not.

Iwaizumi on the other hand is stunned, opens his eyes and tries to say something.

Bingo.

"I don't know..." he clears his throat "what are you talking about?"

Ushijima smiles.

"There was surprise in your eyes, but nothing else, I know you know and I need your help".

Iwaizumi exhales.

"Damn, you're a bastard, that's why you invited us to the movies? you wanted to get close to Oikawa?"

Ushijima nods.

"How did you know that i knew?"

"i didn't know, but i assumed, you're too close to Oikawa not to notice that he's a witch."

"So what, are you going to force him or something to get him baptized?"

In theory, that's what he should do, but Ushijima knows that Oikawa is not the type to be molded by pressure. That strategy is not efficient.

"I'm not going to force him, i'm going to advise him."

"In this case, what's the difference?" Iwaizumi asks suspiciously.

Ushijima decides to be frank.

"I know that Oikawa doesn't want to be baptized, but I want to be honest with you...."

"The health thing, I already know about that shit, if he doesn't get baptized, he will die" interrupts Iwaizumi.

The hamburger place is nice, though small, both of them are sitting by a window, they haven't had their food brought to them yet.

"But despite that, he doesn't want to, I myself have asked him why and I know he's hiding something from me when he answers, but even so, if he doesn't want to, there's nothing to do, I respect his decision"

Ushijima too, but he has always been the type of person who hates when good things go to waste.

"Oikawa is not afraid to sacrifice his life in order to follow his ideals and I respect that" says Ushijima, he looks out the window for a moment, there is a squirrel corpse on the pavement and some ants are eating it "but don't sign, it's the same thing as dying, I just want to help him, at least understand what is going through his mind" he looks away from the window and looks Iwaizumi straight in the eyes "if you could save your best friend's life, wouldn't you do anything?"

"Don't talk to me like you're trying to teach me a lesson" replies Iwaizumi frowning "it doesn't fit you, besides no one else but me wants to save his life, but I tried to convince him and I couldn't, besides, I don't know why you're saying this to me, the one you should be advising is him, not me".

Ushijima leans on the table.

"Do you really think Oikawa would accept me as his advisor right off the bat?" Ushijima hopes he can make Iwaizumi understand his point, if he can't, there's nothing left to do "this is something like a mission under cover".

Iwaizumi laughs, but it's an ugly and bitter laugh.

"What? you want to get close to my friend just to gain his trust? and on top of that you want me to help you and lie to him?"

Ushijima shakes his head.

"I don't want to use him in any way, i don't plan to make fun of him or hurt him" Ushijima rubs one his temples, he starts to feel his head hurting, the lack of sleep is making his vision blurry "i just want to understand his motives or in any case give him my opinion or help him with the things i know".

Ushijima's honesty seems to appease Iwaizumi's aggressiveness a bit.

"Just so you know, Oikawa was planning to pry information out of the envoy, to look for something to help him get rid of the baptism."

Ushijima rubs his eyes for a moment and as he does so a tiny smile escapes.

Typical of Oikawa, he thinks.

"Ultimately, i could help him with that, though i doubt there is a way, i'm willing to do anything as long as he realizes there is no escape."

The two of them are silent for a few minutes.

In that time the food arrives, the smell awakening strange sounds in Ushijima's stomach.

"You swear you will help him?" questions Iwaizumi, looking him straight in the eye.

Ushijima looks back at him seriously.

"I swear."

"Well" answers Iwaizumi, he takes one of the hamburgers in his hands "i hope so, because if you do anything to Oikawa, I'm going to give you myself as a sacrifice to the demon you serve."

.  
.  
.

It's one thing that Ushijima invited him to the movies, but it's quite another to find Ushijima even in the soup!

All it takes is for Oikawa to get a little careless and bam, Ushijima materializes next to him out of nowhere.

It was a bit weird when, two days after the movie theater, Ushijima showed up again at the exit of Seijoh and approached them with the stupidest of excuses.

It was unbelievably horrible when three days after that, he had shown up at the same store as him buying his groceries. 

'Hello Oikawa' had Ushijima greeted him, like the most natural thing in the world, as if they were lifelong friends.

Several times over the weeks Ushijima had found a way to remain on the periphery of his sight. 

However, such things can happen, can't they? Sendai is a small city, isn't it? who knows.

But what does have no justification, and Oikawa thinks, no justification in the entire universe, is that Iwaizumi, his best friend, not only seems pleased with his company every time he shows up, but what's more, he has cancelled helping him install a shelf and a star projector, only to send that bastard Ushijima in his place.

And there he is, Oikawa watches him sitting on the bed as he slurps loudly on his orange juice, making noise and staring with narrowed eyes.

It's just unreal.

All of this is.

Ushijima is on top of a chair, screwing, drilling and assembling the shelf like the most natural thing in the world.

"Oikawa, pass me the screw that's on the bedside table," he asks, all cordiality.

"Fuck off and take it yourself."

Ushijima turns slightly, contemplates him with an indecipherable look, but nothing more.

Ushijima gracefully gets down from the chair, walks over to the nightstand, picks up the screw and climbs back up.

"Why are you doing this?" questions Oikawa. He's already finished his juice and is now drinking the one that supposedly belongs to Ushijima.

"My dad taught me how to do these things" he replies. the all-knowing Mr. perfection "plus at home I make these kinds of arrangements all the time".

Oikawa purses his lips.

"No you damn bastard, I'm not asking you why you're punching holes in my wall, I'm asking you, why do you suddenly want to be in my life? what are you doing in my house for fuck's sake?"

Ushijima doesn't turn around, he continues with his work as if nothing.

For a moment Oikawa thinks he is ignoring him on purpose, but then he speaks again, still without turning around, in a calm and soft voice, like the voice you would use when talking to a wayward child you don't want to upset.

"Oikawa do you hate me?"

Oikawa knows what ushijima is referring to, he is not asking him if he hates him as a volleyball player (because that hatred has been made clear), he is questioning him if he really hates him, as a person.

Ushijima waits patiently for his answer, but Oikawa is not willing to indulge him.

"Decide for yourself" Oikawa replies "choose the option that hurts you the most".

"Is everything always like this with you?" questions Ushijima, the guy is really something out of the ordinary.

"What do you mean?" 

Oikawa places the other empty juice glass on the bedside table while Ushijima finishes positioning the shelf.

It looked perfect.

"Is everything with you always this hard?" Ushijima turns and looks him in the face.

It's hot, the weather. It's hard to believe how much the weather has changed and how hot it can get on certain days.

Ushijima is sweating (it's the most normal thing, Oikawa didn't feel like turning on the air conditioner, and put the whole fan on for himself) his forehead is shiny with sweat, he's wearing a black t-shirt, but if Oikawa concentrates, he can detect the damp shadows under his armpits.

"Listen to me Ushibaka" Oikawa sits up straight "I don't know who you think you are but, if you think that because you have entered my house and we have met a few times, you are already my soulmate and I am going to answer your silly questions, get off that cloud".

Oikawa doesn't even bother to be rude, he speaks with all the disinterest in the world.

"Fair enough" Ushijima replies, slowly. He doesn't seem angry, he observes Oikawa with a deep gaze, the color of his eyes suddenly gives the feeling of being as deep as the sea and as bright as gold.

"Right" is all Oikawa can say.

"The shelf is in place, I will set up the projector tomorrow" Ushijima approaches the bed and sits on the edge. He tries to disguise it, but it is obvious that he is looking for the breeze from the fan to hit him even a little bit.

Oikawa is tempted to knock him off the bed with his feet, but he resists because Ushijima has placed the shelf for him and even he can be kind to enemies.

Silence takes over the room, filled only by the sound of the fan.

The first thing Oikawa notices is that it is not uncomfortable.

The second thing he notices is that Ushijima is really sweating a lot.

And the third thing he notices is that he himself is sweating too.

Oikawa gets out of bed and turns on the air conditioner. On his way back to bed he closes the door and puts the fan on Ushijima. The breeze moves his hair.

Neither of them says anything and that's fine, it makes everything more comfortable for both of them.

Oikawa gets on the bed and sits as far away from the corner where Ushijima is sitting as possible, so still that he seems to be petrified.

The silence continues, this time, Oikawa is piqued with curiosity. What is the big bastard thinking? how can anyone sit so still without going crazy? he knows he can't, and Iwaizumi is the type to start running around when it's too quiet.

Oikawa crawls to the edge of the bed and lies down so that his face can observe Ushijima's face.

Ushijima notices Oikawa's change of position and looks up at him. From below, Ushijima's height intimidates (not that Oikawa is intimidated), but there is no judgment in his eyes, Ushijima has never looked at Oikawa with disdain.

They stay like that. Oikawa for some reason, stops hearing the sound of the fan, replaced with the throbbing in his temples.

Ushijima raises a hand, he seems to hesitate for a moment but slowly begins to bring it closer to Oikawa's face. Oikawa makes no pretense of turning away, he is curious to see what someone so stoic and unexpressive is about to do.

The eye contact is not broken, the throbbing in his temples increases as Ushijima's hand approaches. Finally, their fingers make contact. His right cheek tingles, it feels warm.

Ushijima's hand moves gently through his favor.

His fingers are rough thought.

Oikawa notices that, Ushijima's scent permeates his nose, it is a rather mild smell, but being close to him, it is possible to feel it.

"You stink" is the first thing that comes to Oikawa's mind to say, whether it's true or not, it doesn't matter.

Ushijima raises the corner of his lips a little. Anyone who was crazy enough would say he's trying to smile.

"You made me work like a slave."

"You got yourself into this willingly."

It's weird, because they both seem to be whispering.

"You're nicer when you're quiet," Ushijima says, this time, his entire palm resting on his cheek.

"You're obnoxious at all times."

Ushijima gently squeezes Oikawa's cheek, his thumb stretches a little, it's about to reach his lips.

"Guys, do you want more orange juice?"

The sudden interruption sets oikawa's heart pounding like crazy, it feels like when he is caught red-handed doing something wrong.

"No mom, this way we are fine!"

On the other side of the door his mom is heard.

"Ask your friend if he's staying for dinner!"

Feeling mentioned, Ushijima gets up.

"See you later Oikawa" is all he says, then heads for the door, opens it and leaves.

There is some small talk between his mother and Ushijima that Oikawa doesn't get to hear but imagines it is Ushijima declining the dinner invitation.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> As you can see, this is my first fic, I’m very excited and scared, I hope you enjoy it a lot, you can tell me what you think in the comments, that would help me a lot to continue. Read You later!


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